Hunter x Idol
by Yandere Shoujo
Summary: People and hunters world wide scramble for a chance at winning a legendary genie's lamp. The only condition, they must have a good singing voice. Absolute nonsense indeed. Not a song fic. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This has literally been driving me insane. If you haven't heard 1/13 Kuroro Lucifer's character song, go listen. Now. Or Hisoka's, or Kurapika's. But mainly Kuroro's. I've been fangasming all day because of it. Also, I'm not sure which spelling to go with. I like the look of Chrollo better. Future chapters will be longer, trust me.

Hunter x Idol

The pathetic plot

They were known as a djinn by some. Was it three wishes? Or perhaps one. Either way, a genie's lamp, priceless in nature, was to be used as a prize… for singing.

Rich collectors huffed or bumbled about, furious at such a condition, but according to the archeologist who discovered it, the genie would only serve a new master if he or she had a good singing voice. And so, a stage was set up in York New's largest concert hall.

The contest would be held in one month, enough time for someone to learn a song and prepare.

Though, one may be wondering, couldn't someone just steal it? Or perhaps they would be wondering if the whole thing was an elaborate hoax to get money.

Well that had been revealed to the world, on camera of all things, to prove how authentic it was.

The Phantom Troupe, also called the Spiders, failed to steal it.

Security around the item probably wasn't even suitable for a town bank. So, while on camera, the now infamous Feitan slit the poor guards' necks and attempted to grab the item. This backfired when the lamp shook violently, and a blue man wearing a business suit popped out, frowning.

"**No. Cheating.**" Was all he said before returning life back to the guards and swooping back into his gold, jewel decorated home. And so, the world was aware of this legendary item and people from far and wide sought to win it.

What happened to Feitan? Oh, the guards just shrugged and pretended like the short man wasn't there. Unfortunately every time that happened, he killed them, and the genie brought them back to life. After the third time, the blue man had gotten fed up and teleported him back to Phantom Troupe's hide out.

He was a genie, so he could do that.

And thus, the lamp caught Chrollo's interest even more. And Gon's, and Killua's, and Leorio, Kurapika, Hanzo, Machi, Tonpa, Wing, Zushi, Illumi, Hisoka, and even those who didn't have a singing voice.


	2. Chapter 2

Hunter x Idol

The pathetic preliminaries

Several hours before the doors even opened, people from far and wide were gathered by a building that was meant to weed out all the goods, bads, and uglies for the competition. No use in having the genie bored out of his mind after all. So a group of judges sat at a table with coffee, pain killers and water at the ready.

They were a fair group. One an actual professional singer. Another, some celebrity who was only there to boost the competitions ratings on television. And finally, some no name who probably could or couldn't sing.

"Pathetic. Go home please." The singer said to the first applicant. It was no other than the enhancer, Johnny A.K.A. Don't know who that is? Oh… well, moving along. His fellow judges didn't disagree. However, the celebrity was too busy on her mini laptop, typing away and not really paying attention.

"Ah, yes. Please go home." She said. Ms. Oh. Lovely, also known as Oleander Lovandier. Gothic Lolita and Victorian fashion extraordinaire. Don't know her either? Huh… well.

"I'm sorry. But our vote is unanimous." The third and final judge said gently. Melody, known as Senritsu by those who wanted a bit more of the Azian continent's flavor. Almost none of the applicants knew of her.

Dejected, the enthusiastic teen girl trudged from the room.

"Next!" Johnny called.

By the time they reached applicant sixteen, there was hope.

Rookie Crusher Tonpa stepped in the room with a confident stride.

"So, I just sing anything right?" he asked. His squared nose high in the air.

"That's right." Johnny sighed, exasperation already in his tone.

"Yeah. Whatever." Oleander mumbled.

"That is correct." Melody said with a small smile.

Posing dramatically, he began to sing. Which sounded more like shouting. Though in comparison with the last batch, he had the voice of an angel. His fat stomach bobbed with every dramatic motion. At this point it was all the judges could focus on. When he finished his song, they all allowed him to pass onto the next round.

Well, not exactly. Melody tried to speak against It, but her quiet pleas fell on deaf ears since the other two were just glad they could pass someone.

A similar situation happened with the four-hundredth applicant. After all the screaming, whining, begging, pranksters, and lost children, the impatient judges had run out of pain killers and were running on sheer will and paychecks alone.

Applicant four hundred. The ninja, Hanzo.

He hadn't even sung for ten seconds before he was passed. Melody had long given up at that point and just went with the flow. The day had passed, entries for that day were over, and out of five hundred applicants, and only two had passed.

Five-hundred down, Three million to go.

Due to the sheer size of the people there, the judging had been broken up into separate buildings. Seven to be exact. Each with three sets of judges. Killing a lot of birds with a few stones.

Much to the surprise of Melody, a few familiar faces had made it into the room which she was stationed in. Mainly that of Kurapika.

His voice was absolutely stunning… and Johnny tried to fail him.

An angry string of notes from table tapping alone sent chills down his spine and he allowed the blonde to pass. Oleander, as usual, wasn't looking.

Melody nearly had a heart attack when _the_ Chrollo Lucifer stepped in the room. No really, she felt her heart clench, and a doctor was called in.

Once she was deemed fit to judge, in other words still not that fine, the man sang. And boy did he sing.

Ms. Oh. Lovely looked up from her computer with a blush so red she may as well have had ketchup on her face. Johnny's mouth hung open, a bit of drool coming out. Melody herself couldn't believe her ears. Wordlessly, they let him pass.

From the distant sound of shrieks, it was apparent that many females, and maybe some males enjoyed his live singing as well.

Remember those angry rich old guys who wanted the lamp?

Their solution had been to hire actual celebrities to sing for them and win. However, this caused the genie to make multiple appearances everywhere one of these said singers were.

It was a shock to the recording cast, but the message was clear. He'd only serve those _with_ the voice.

The second day went by agonizingly slow for the judges and those waiting. Five hundred thousand applicants sang. Only six passed.


	3. Chapter 3

Hunter x Idol

The pathetic…uh.

A whole week.

It took an entire week to get through the three million applicants and only the most devoted of judges managed to stay.

Melody, only because she was nice like that. Prince Baka, because according to him he had been through worse. And Togashi, the strange dog masked man who for some reason liked to appear when commentary was happening.

Anyway, it was a big day. With only twenty applicants passed, they were able to move on to the bigger stage as fans, plain observers and rejects alike filled in the seats to see who would win the genie lamp.

The genie himself appeared, wowing everyone who wanted to see for themselves if it really was real. Despite the proof elsewhere.

On the stage, the twenty singers stood side by side. Chrollo Lucifer, Tonpa, Hanzo, Gon, Killua, Leorio, Kurapika, Machi (for the sake of Chrollo), Roronora Zoro, Roxas, Kuwabara Kazuma, Menchi, Hisoka, Illumi, that random guy who sings famous tunes for change, Biscuit, and a few others nobody cared to even look at.

The rules were simple at that point. They would be called at random, sing, and the judges plus the genie would collaborate until a winner was decided.

However there had been some… complications.

See, having a specific blend of personality types and mortal enemies in one place didn't bode well.

It all started when Kurapika flat out tried to stab Chrollo in the throat with the first thing he could get his hands on, which was one of Menchi's knives. The woman, oh so dedicated to her cooking, immediately flipped out and near chopped off his hand with her other. If it hadn't been for Leorio's quick thinking to use his own knife to defend against hers.

Illumi figured that would be the best moment to try and snatch his brother up, yet once again, Gon was there to grab him firmly by the arm, his nen being a protecting force this time. This lead to the most unfortunate incident of Hisoka getting excited on live television and the fumbling camera man was a newbie so he had no clue what to do.

Biscuit, being a slight cougar, was too busy blushing and staring downwards to notice anything.

Through all of the chaos, Machi had wrapped her strings around Kurapika, though unfortunately one accidently hooked onto Tonpa's hand, making him accidently smack Hanzo across the face. It was an accident, he swore it. Hanzo, being a ninja, knew he wasn't lying and went after the thread wielding girl to teach her a lesson in control of her power.

Meanwhile, Prince Baka and Togashi commentated calmly from the side lines.

"Let them fight." The sparkling, silver haired man said gently.

So security did nothing.

Not wanting to get killed, the nameless singers ran off, leaving Zoro, Kuwabara, and Roxas to slowly back away and watch the scene go on. They were all there for the same reasons anyway. Lost, and just wanting to get a way home.

At this point the crowd cheered for their favorite fighter, contest completely forgotten.

The brawl continued until Melody got sick of everyone's raging heartbeats and whipped out her flute, playing the most gentle song anyone had ever heard. Except for Roxas because music like that played on loud speakers all day where he was from.

Satisfied, she sat back down and quietly said "The first singer shall be Tonpa."

Things back in order, the fat man confidently stepped forward, though a bit out of breath. However the genie snapped his fingers and everyone was back at full health with no bruises or nen wounds on them.

Tonpa's chosen music started loudly, instantly snapping the crowd back to the real reason they were there. However, as he finished, he only received a few hundred polite claps.

Next up was Kurapika.

He wasn't even half way through his song before the entire place was filled with nothing but squeals, screams, and cheering. An ambulance had to be called due to all the fainting men and women. Roses were tossed, and somewhere businessmen were writing up record deals.

Much to his irritation, Chrollo applauded as well.

The nameless singers had left, so that already cut down the competition which immediately lead to Gon.

Collective rounds of "Awwww" and older women cooing were the only thing from the audience as the boy sang some hyper pop like song. It was like cotton candy was floating from the loud speakers. Several people got nosebleeds and showed symptoms of diabetes before the song was over and had to be run to the hospital.

Kurapika, ever serious, even had to wring his hands so he wouldn't sweep the boy in a hug then and there.

Gon's applause wasn't deafening, but he was well receipted.

He high fived a slightly nervous Killua as they traded places on stage.

More cooing erupted as even younger girls screamed how much they wanted to pet his snow colored hair.

Fortunately, no others had to be sent to the hospital during Killua's song, but a few people did end up with injuries from having their feet stepped on due to the sudden dancers. They couldn't help it, or so they claimed. Air guitars were played, and air drums were hit, along with a few people over the head. Surely, they thought, the singing assassin would hit platinum in no time.

Silva, Kikyo, and the other Zoldycks watched the performance in their movie theater sized television room. If it weren't for the threat of bolting her lips shut, the Victorian dressed woman would have whined through the whole thing. In the background, Gotoh shed a single tear of pride.


	4. Chapter 4

Hunter x Idol

The pathetic-uh, is there a 'p' word for ending?

Ninjas, they were everywhere.

As soon as Hanzo stepped on stage, nearly one thousand ninjas emerged from the blue. Be it from under seats, the sky, trees, women's skirts, or jumbo soda cups.

Silently, they cheered. Striking poses and dancing to the beat of his song. It was far from a bad performance, but the spectators were so shocked nobody reacted as he walked off stage. Prince Baka and Togashi tried to explain something or other, but nobody was paying attention.

And then Illumi walked on stage.

His voice was so powerful, so graceful, so beautiful. From his posture to the dark strands of hair blowing gently in the wind.

The women reacted first. Panting, then all out screaming. Then the men. Many of them beginning to question their sexuality. Killua wasn't sure if he should be afraid or admiring. Biscuit had long stopped staring at Hisoka's crotch to move on to the dark haired man.

Wedding rings were flung afterwards. Even married couples wanted to marry him.

Unfortunately for Kuwabara, the man's majestic singing left him in a nervous wreck and nobody really noticed when he left mid song. Zoro, who had an affinity for getting lost, somehow managed to get all the way to the Phantom Troupe's hide out, where they watched the show on a small TV. Roxas mentally resigned to defeat as he sang his own song, though the strong applause was nice.

Menchi was next, leaving the crowd a roar of bass as men shouted their phone numbers and asked her to take off her mesh top. Who knew a lady with such an odd hairdo would get so many fanboys in the span of a few minutes.

Fanboys switched to fangirls as Leorio finally got his turn. Though there was a lot of audience interference as he revealed a few things about himself, such as his age. This lead to an all out shouting match with various spectators, the exchanging of phone numbers, and medical scholarships being thrown his way.

Killua and Kurapika face palmed at their friend's antics.

Biscuit nearly lost her turn as she was too busy staring at Illumi to notice she was being called. Even as she sang she was turned directly to the emotionless assassin. Her inner thoughts had managed to leak into her song and many of the audience members learned a thing or two about the older woman's sexual experience.

Unsure weather to clap or not, she got the same treatment as Tonpa.

A good minute and a half was spent on Hisoka doing magic tricks before he actually sang anything.

Though when he did, the careless fangirls' squealed on in delight while those who actually paid attention to what he was singing cringed. Mothers covered their children's ears, couples covered their partners' ears, Gon and Killua covered their own ears, and Melody prayed his song would end soon because her supernatural hearing did nothing but make things worse.

All throughout the song, psychologists and psychiatrists alike were being called up, promised riches.

The winks toward the children of the crowd only made the atmosphere awkward.

There hadn't been much applause after that, even if the song was unbearably catchy.

Machi gave Chrollo a meaningful look before she stepped on stage, taking care to step three feet away from Hisoka as she passed him.

Her song held a more solemn tone, and lighters were held up in the afternoon sky.

Silent spectators swayed side to side as the girl sang on. Someone shouted or cheered every now and again, but not a single person wanted to break the mood she had created. Kurapika willed himself not to get too interested. But it was proving to be futile as his foot tapped gently to the melody of her voice.

Speaking of melodies, Melody sighed contently.

It was a nice, peaceful song. And the crowd, judges included, burst into applause and cheers.

"Nice work, Machi." Chrollo said as she walked back.

The woman fainted on the spot, and doctors rushed to carry her off stage and revive her.

Purposely keeping everyone in silent expectation, the dark haired man waited until Machi was awake before he sang himself.

Needless to say, it was like time stopped. The calm before the storm more like it.

People of every gender discovered their Enhancer nen abilities as they cheered extra loud. Women fainted. Men fell, fanning themselves. Kids gained new idols. And old women became cougars.

Kurapika was willing to rip his ears out at this point, who knew the Spiders were such amazing singers.

Biscuits gaze had now settled on the second dark haired on singing. She had no idea who to pick from now.

Machi fainted again.

All of York New was in an uproar.

Even back at the Phantom Troup hide out, Shizuku was having this memory permanently etched into her mind.

At the end of his song, panties, bras, briefs, boxers, roses, more wedding rings, locks of hair, teeth, and love letters were thrown on the stage. Security had trouble keeping so many people from climbing up and attacking the man.

Melody had to be fanned as she leaned back in her judge's chair, panting heavily and slightly dizzy. Her ears in overdrive.

It took a full hour to calm everyone down and even longer to rush the tons of people who were bleeding from throwing something from their bodies on the stage.

Due to the many complications, everyone had been instructed to wait in a small room until the winner was decided. Though it was fairly obvious. Even Gon and Killua had settled for spending the time, staring in wonder at Chrollo.

Thirty percent of the crowd gone due to hospitalization, the contestants stood on stage and watched as the business suit clad genie floated back and forth.

"I have decided…"

Here it comes.

"That the winner…"

Chrollo slicked his hair back as he waited to hear his name.

"Shall be Roxas."

His hand dropped.

"_What_?!" Machi near screamed.

"_Whaaaat_?!" the Spiders shouted in almost perfect unison, minus Feitan.

"_Whaaaaaaaaat_?!" Fangirls and boys shouted from the stands.

Even Kurapika was taken aback.

"Who even is Roxas?"

"I dunno."

"It was that blonde kid with the weird clothes."

"The red eyed one?"

"No the spikey haired one. The one that looks and sounds like a boy."

Murmurs, indignant shouts, and whispers spread like gasoline fueled fire.

"Ah, allow me to explain." Prince Baka said from his seat, sparkling beautifully all the way. "You see, this boy had no selfish intentions. His voice was gentle, natural, and held a blissful sorrow. He was merely lost in a world not of his own, and intended to sing in order to get back to his friends."

"Yes indeed." Togashi said from behind his dog mask. "Melody could hear from his heartbeats to his voice that he was earnest, and wouldn't harm a living soul. Mr. Genie liked this about him, and decided someone like him would make a good master."

Melody spoke up this time, though still shyly.

"Ah, and he sort of saw some traces of a relative of his on the boy, so he sort of decided from the start he wanted him to win."

And so hell broke loose. Roxas had been fortunate enough to be teleported away before any weapons could pierce his skull along with the genie.

With no one to revive them, the body count hit record shattering levels, and a certain group of hunters nearly died that night.


End file.
